My indigestion
My indigestion my fear my dream are synonym or tautology. The almighty Self, I wish to supercede but I am into a sequence that is lasting entire life.
Indigested dream causes love, then fear, and that causes permanent memory. I cannot forget until I digest my memory fear love indigestion in the reverse order.
I love to write in first person. Naseeruddin is my name.
I am in a hotel for last few days. My house got flooded with sewerage blockage. Despite my inability to move I tried to clear the blockage and then moved out into a hotel with my family. My family returned home, cleared the flooded basement and stayed back to help servicemen. Basement appliances need repair. My health condition needs care of three doctors and three therapists. I waited to be functional and not become further excited. I wish to digest my indigestion. I need my system to calm down. The word is Ram in Sanskrit. With billion utterances of Ram calmed down the agitation of Valmiki but I am an ordinary self who is never a success.
Yesterday I had two visitors who told me they were called by 911 by my family. But it seemed to be a lie. I told them if I need 911 care, I would have called my self? They then took lot of tests on me drug breathing eye etc. And then asked why I am here. My house was flooded and getting repaired. Until the heating is restored I shall be in hotel. I have had two surgery and pacemaker, I cannot bear the excitement. I have broken my leg. I am under care of three surgeons, but until they agree for my hospitalization, I have to stay in the hotel. 911 wished to take me to a hospital! But which one and what reason. They took my phone and number of my daughter from me and called in private out side my room; and then left. I am suspicious they were called by hotel and they bluffed me.
I could not digest. I didn't wish to be intimated by anyone of the world. I have to digest that I could not digest. Else I have to digest my fear. Else I have to digest following dreams. Else I have to search for the almighty for his security. Self.
He only caused all the inconveniences for me. I am not interested in Ram or His bhakta Hanuman. Until I forget this incident it is going to cause me dream.
I did nothing until ' I am restored'. I do not suffer from lack of time. I am not in a hurry. I was waken up with a call from my PCP, asking me when can I come and meet him in the hospital for a check up. Dr Huff have engaged three therapists for me to become functional. I said, until I am back home, I am not available. I had already called off my heart surgeon. After hanging up I called orthopedic surgeon to cancel his appointment.
I know the creator of my ailments. Until he cures me I have to bear. My pain is bearable until then.
I have talked often about Anthony Bourdain. He could eat and drink anything including drugs. I have seen all his episodes in CNN, 150 or more. He was a compulsive consumer and narrator of people. He was meeting psychiatrists to get rid of a dream that ends in a hotel corridor looking for his room in a hotel; and finally he opens a door with a man standing with a kitchen knife. Anthony narrated that even a sight of a hamburger would get him into this dream. Two years back he was found hanging in a hotel. He committed suicide.
Once upon a time I was employed in a software company. On every meeting with the owner, his favorite phrase was, "don't reinvent the wheel". He was against making any software. Same as all the software companies from India today. Why read why write? Are we not reinventing the wheel! Bhakta Hanuman is the wisest. He is flying jet, making Ram Mandir, awarding national laurels. Reversing wheel to 5000 years ago to the age of bullock cart, the proudest moment 5000 years after. If you have not seen our modern Indian knowledge yet, kindly look at 2022 curriculum of all national institutes in India. Here is an example.
Who would ever tell Sri Hanumanji that time only goes forward moment by moment and cannot be reversed, to any past glorious days. Self is in absolute control and not Bhakti.
I came across the wheel with a writing, "truth always wins". The wheel is held by spokes. Each spoke is tautology and all connected to the truth, the undefined Self. The wheel is the world. Spokes are tautologies. Each is a character that never change in their lifetime, birth after birth. I am one of the spoke of that wheel. 911 is another one.
The self only wins always. Self takes off all masks, characters, however permanent they may appear. The tautologies.
There are eight billion of tautologies all untrustworthy how do I win against all of them!
Truth, self, prevails. Self is the cure of everyone's indigestion. Self erases my memory. I have to wait until then. Pray you may but Patience is the only tool I possess. Self is beyond any urgency or control. Self controls the world without pause and does not delegate to CEO of any country or Mahatma.
Self is the sky. Hridayakasha. Watching 24x7x365 everything everybody. Self does not misunderstand any character. Not a leaf move without foreknowledge. The reason.
Self Sky Eye Reason are Tautology of Truth. Absolute.
No one can ever change. No one can change the pace of time. None can reverse time. But everyone can enjoy sky as long as one wishes by seeing the sky. Knowing the property of sky, Dharma, is necessary and sufficient.
Sky is dimension less. No more. No less. Wish is to remain being the sky at the center of the wheel, Hridayakasha.
The space within my heart.
Hearing a person of my age reciting scriptures, Adi Shankaracharya asked, isn't my time running out? When would I recognize my self?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pKFTxZE
I cannot drive away my fear. I have to bear fear until I am home. I earned it. I am Arjun. I have to bear my I'll health. I am Bhim. I have to bear my swinging (pendulum) moods. I am Yudhisthira.
I am still. I am protected by Self, the almighty truth. I can do nothing.
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